For anyone who is going through this or will go through this. The perspective I can give you is one we often don’t examine enough. It is not what is on the outside that counts, but what is going on inside. If we define ourselves by physical appearance, we give the external more power over us. If we want to change what is on the outside, we must be ready to give an account to ourselves. Some have a strong desire to change the outside. But from this perspective, I urge my fellow human beings to find peace within themselves. Rather than being defined by what exists on the outside. For love is perfected in meeting ourselves where we are in this moment. In other words, we cannot put a future date on our happiness. For setting a future date regarding happiness. We postpone our happiness for external circumstances. We say to ourselves.
- I will not be happy until I have X amount of dollars (this is a future event)
- I will not be happy until I am married (this is a future event)
- I will not be happy until I achieve this status or a significant achievement (this is a future event)
- I will not be happy until this president or this politician is out of office (this is a future event)
How often are we giving power to future events and forgetting the very moment we are in right now? Far too often, it appears to me that we do this. We postpone our happiness until a certain event comes to pass. We postpone our happiness for some kind of external circumstance. Yet in doing this, we become complacent in forgetting the journey, heartbreaks, and circumstances that have molded and shaped who we are in the present.
The more we desire external changes in appearance. The more we persuade ourselves that happiness can only be achieved by some future event, or by gaining some kind of status, or having some amount of dollars in our bank accounts. All of which are future events.
We chase the future while forgetting the very now moment and all the beauty it has to offer. We give up our power to circumstances and situations that are beyond doubt, beyond our grasp and control.
We put ourselves into debt and misery, constantly chasing external circumstances and events because of our desires, needs, wants, and our pride and egos.
“What is the source of the wars and the fights among you? Don’t they come from the cravings that are at war within you?” James 4:1
From a perspective, this verse reflects our day-to-day lives. Just as much as the Buddhists teach detachment from such things can achieve bliss. But at the same time, our human natures drive us to impulsively desire such things of this world. While this is not inherently bad, if one is able to find the balance between desiring things that come through faith and desiring and obtaining such things through pride and ego, or through our desire to control others.
When we are not willing to accept who we are in this moment. We are constantly chasing some future event and continually postponing our happiness to such trivial games.
Forgiving yourself for all that you’ve done is the first step. Inasmuch as admitting to ourselves that we are powerless. Until one is able to forgive oneself. We will eventually become entrapped in looking for external events and circumstances to fulfill our lives. Constantly chasing highs because we are afraid of the lows.
I have come to understand that although I desire things of this world. I am content with where I am right now.
I shouldn’t fear getting old. I shouldn’t fear what another man has. I shouldn’t compare myself to another man. Doing any of this will only bring me discontent. Once I forgive myself, I can love myself. I do not chase changing my appearance, as I recognize it as an external source of power.
Anything external, such as clothes, cars, or bodily appearance, cannot take away from what I already have on the inside, and this is enough.
If it is in my power to change the outside. I am still left with the same emotions that spilled over before my change of appearance. Sure, I can get a haircut, shave my head, or wear a brand new jacket. But the inside, all the memories and experiences, are still there inside me.
I can, for a moment, chase an external event, circumstance, or change of appearance. But I still must accept myself in every single moment I exist, regardless of such things.
When I stop chasing the idea that external circumstances will make me feel the way I deserve to feel. I accept the moment for what it is, not for what I think I desire it to be.
Nothing on the outside will satisfy me when I know who I am and what I am not.
I will attract the person I need when I am fully aware of what I am and what I’m not. I will have a home with the people I need when I am content with the home that is my mind, body, and soul and spirit.
For money, power, riches, and fame are fleeting. But what exists inside of me is eternal. Therefore, trying to change the outside is futile. For once I began to understand what I am on the inside. Everything on the outside will appear just as it should. For the seed of righteousness is planted everywhere if one has the eyes to see such things as they are revealed to you.
Therefore, no change of appearance will make me happy if I am not happy here and now. No amount of money can change my life if I am not satisfied with what I have right now. No clothes, jewelry, or perceived notion of public praise can do anything for me. If I am content with who I am right now. .
In other words, if I let the public define who I am. I will forever be in the hands of the public. But if I allow myself to be defined by what I am and what I’m not according to my own perspective and interpretations. I need not chase fame or a supposed glory. Doing such things will never allow me to fully recognize myself without a mirror.
I will forget what I am in search of glory. Neglecting the very body that I have and the mind that I have to do such things or think in such a way. As others may not have access to such things because of physical or mental conditions or limitations, I take these for granted without a second thought.
If I am okay without a mirror. I do not need a mirror. For I know what I am and I know what I’m not. Yet pride and ego may tell me that I need a mirror. But if I let go of pride and ego, I need not a mirror. For I recognize within myself what I am and what I’m not.
Until I am able to fully recognize what I am on the inside. I will always give the future precedence over me. Never allowing myself to live in the here and now.
I need not fear age.
I need not fear rejection.
I need not fear hatred.
I need not fear envy.
I need not fear comparison.
For I am powerless over such persons and events.
I am what I am, and I am what I’m not.
It is this self-awareness that I will embrace. For if I believe in my Higher Power. The second step. I believe that all things are possible for those who believe in such things.
He will give me my food in its proper time, and I will be satisfied, for He sustains me with all that I am and all that I’m not.
But chasing the outside. I only prohibit my happiness towards a future event and question my Maker or Creator for making me the way that He did. I need not question my Maker or my Creator if I am in firm belief that He made me in such a way for His purpose. For I know not what is best for myself without Him. I need not change my outside appearance if I accept what I already have on the inside.
When I accept myself for what I am and what I’m not. I will eventually attract the person who recognizes me, accepts me, and loves me. Without having to do anything to my outside appearance.
Nor change my external circumstances.
I hope you can understand.